Trying to make a baby shower package look pretty. Without a box it was a bit challenging, and then it all failed as I hauled it inside in the pouring rain with two little people, their stuff, and the food I was bringing too. Oh well, like always, its the thought that counts.
Just feet from our favorite band. The acoustic set was amazing. These boys are so talented, and I really appreciated the Q&A session too.
Sidewalk chalk at Gran's house. There was quite the commotion when a little worm wandered into their play.
It will be an adventure this spring and summer to see what pops up around this house. Looks like we have some hyacinth!
I am bursting with pride to see Darin's name next to this article he wrote for "InSite," the publication of Christian Camps & Conference Association. I encouraged him to use some time while unemployed to write about the recruiting model he helped develop and he totally took me up on the challenge and wrote an amazing article. We're praying that it encourages other camps in creative recruiting and positive staff culture development.
Last night Darin and I had the most awesome privilege to witness an intimate acoustic set with our very favorite band: Jars of Clay. One of the songs they played is called “World’s Apart” and it honestly has been at the top of my favorite songs list for a long time.
I closed my eyes and listened with my heart.
“To love you - take my world apart
To need you – I am on my knees
To love you – take my world apart
To need you – broken on my knees”
That used to be my prayer. Years ago. When I didn’t really know what that would mean. God answered that prayer, took my world apart, and with amazing amounts of grace is rebuilding it. And the lessons I’m learning I hope sink so deep down that I never have to be reminded of them again.
Sometime shortly after I wrote the last journal-y post, I picked up the book “Me, Myself and Bob” by Phil Vischer. The book had been on my to-read list for a while, but I figured now would be a good time to read a story written for “anyone who has ever lost a dream.” After retrieving my copy from the library hold shelf I devoured it in two days. The story of the rise and fall of Big Idea Productions (including the stories of the creation of Veggie Tales, which since the days of high school youth group I have always loved) was really interesting, but I knew there was something waiting for me in the last pages of the book. And there certainly was.
Phil concludes his sad tale of loosing it all by re-telling the story of the Shunammite woman in 2 Kings chapter 4, who after being given a son after many years of waiting and hoping for one, loses him. (If you’re not familiar, you really should click on over. It is quite a crazy tale.) And then Phil stopped me cold with this thought he heard from a friend:
“If God gives you a dream, and the dream comes to life and God shows up in it, and then the dream dies, it may be that God wants to see what is more important to you – the dream or him. And once he’s seen that, you may get your dream back. Or you may not, and you may live the rest of your life without it. But that will be okay, because you will have God.”
And with those few words I felt God was looking right at me and asking the question “What is more important, Deanna? Me or the camping thing? Because I took that camping thing away for a reason, and now you need to decide. Me? Or the dream?”
Phil continued to share some thoughts from the great C.S. Lewis who once said “He who has God plus many things has nothing more than he who has God alone.” Phil: "If God is infinite, we can’t add anything to him. Nothing, added to God, can meet our needs any more than God alone. So we need to put everything in that blank.” For me, that meant “She who has camping ministry, plus God has nothing more than she who has God alone.” Or “She who has a life raising children in the midst of camping ministry has nothing more than she who has God alone.” Or “She who has great impact on the lives of college women has nothing more than she who has God alone.”
All my life I’ve wanted to be a world-changer. I was raised by parents who were world-changers. I lived on an island full of dreamers and world-changers. I served a God who said I wasn’t just put on this earth to waste space, but to change the world. I worked and studied alongside people who were called to BIG things, in BIG places, and I wanted to be right in the thick of it. My dreams were big dreams of impacting the world for the better in the name of Jesus.
Expectations came down a few notches when I chose a few years ago to leave it all behind and become a stay-at home mama. But that was okay, because I was gonna raise me some world-changers.
And then I got the chance to work alongside my husband in discipling a great group of college-aged world changers. And I was busy doing that.
And doing lots of other stuff too. Good stuff. God stuff.
A few months ago my whole life changed. With that change came a lot of anger, a lot of bitterness, and quite a bit of jealousy too. We had worked for years in following God down a path we thought He was leading, only to stumble as the road come to a quick dead-end with no warning signs in sight.
As we were packing to leave camp I got an email from a MOPS friend whose husband serves as the Executive Director for West Sound Youth for Christ. She told me her husband had a position open, she wasn’t sure what it was, but that if Darin were interested he should call.
Of course Darin was interested. Of course Darin called. And before we left Port Orchard we had met with the ED and were in serious conversations about Darin coming to work for this great organization.
We moved to Marysville/Lakewood. Darin filled out an application. He went to Tacoma to meet another YFC guy and see the ministry there. He had a major phone interview. And he was offered the job.
It was all so cool to see and exciting to think about, until one day late in the process Darin received an email that went something like this: “We’ve been talking around here about the ideal qualities this new hire would have…and here are our top 5…” One of those qualities listed was “a call to urban ministry” and that one hit me in the gut.
Urban ministry? I don’t have a call to urban ministry? Did he?*
Darin and I have been in paid ministry one way or another our entire marriage. I feel like I have a decent handle on this world. On the demands in places both on the employee and the spouse. On the sacrifices it requires of families. On the need to be doggedly determined that THIS, THIS RIGHT HERE, is where God has placed you and nothing will get in the way of what He is asking you to do.
And I had no interest in going back into ministry unless I was convinced God was leading the way.
So I did quite a bit of crying. A whole lot of soul searching. And prayed some of the most desperate prayers I’ve ever prayed before. I was specific. I wanted God to give me a pile of stones.
Remember when the Israelites crossed the Jordan river and God told them to have each member of the trip return to the middle of the river and remove a stone? Those 12 stones were then piled up to serve as a memorial to the people of Israel of what God had done. (Don’t remember? Check it out in Joshua 4.)
I begged God to give me a pile of stones. I wanted a point of remembrance. A point to look at when things got tough and know that God was going before us. That God was calling us to this new life, this new ministry. When the going got tough, like I knew it would, I wanted to be sure I had a specific spot to hold on to. After all, I had these pile of stones moments in my life before. So if God was going before us into this new and unknown adventure, why not give me another?
I prayed this prayer the afternoon that Darin was offered the job. He was gung-ho about accepting. I was not. And as I sat alone in the truck waiting to meet some people at a ferry, I asked God for a pile of stones. And then I remembered how about a month before Darin had sat down exhausted on the couch beside me. He told me how searching job boards and unemployment sites was so tedious, and how although he would continue to do so, he really felt God telling him that this wasn’t how he was going to find his next job. Sure enough…the job in our hands was through a random connection of mine and not any ole regular internet job search.
Was this it? Was this my pile of stones? It seemed so small, so insignificant. A conversation when relayed to Darin he didn’t even remember having. Was this enough for me to hang my hat on?
I wasn’t sure. So I asked God for more. Please Lord…I need some bigger rocks.
As it turned out, those are the only rocks I got. A few days later after a few more tearful conversations I told Darin to accept the job. Not because I was sure this was where God was leading us, but because I was sure there weren’t any other current options. Take this job or stay where we are. Not the greatest choice. I also saw how enthusiastic he was and knew without a compelling reason NOT to take the job, it would be foolish for me as his wife to ask him to turn it down.
(Note: we’ve been a place before where we turned down what looked like a perfectly awesome job. But both of us were clearly convinced of the why behind that decision and could articulate it when others asked.)
So Darin accepted and started work and has been enthusiastically doing his best to serve God and this ministry ever since. He even got to attend a week-long training at headquarters in Colorado where he would be buzzing to me at night about all the things he was learning and all the ways God was speaking to his spirit and healing him.
And here I sit in the mire. Darin is leaps and bounds ahead of me when it comes to healing from our recent loss. I feel like I still grieve every day and while thinking about camp still gets to him, it isn’t nearly as raw anymore. I hated his job for making him go away so long and leave me with two sick and cranky kids by myself in a home that isn’t mine either. I resent it when Darin asks me to think about ways that I might want to get involved at YFC, because I knew and loved my role at camp and I have no idea what this new thing looks like for me. I am no urban minister, that’s for sure. I have not caught the vision, and sometimes my heart is awfully hard towards it.
I should be rejoicing. Darin has a new job that he loves. We were only on unemployment for 6 weeks…that is unreal. We are in the final stages of buying a house. We’ll be moving back to Kitsap county and the friends that we know and love there. I should be rejoicing. I should be seeing God at work all around us. Instead I rejoiced more when my best friend’s husband gets a job than I did for my own. And I feel guilty for it all the time.
I have a long way to go.
I need to stop looking back.
I need to let go.
I need His divine healing.
*As he talked and prayed and shared with the interview committee: Darin doesn’t feel a call specifically to urban ministry, but definitely a call to relational ministry. And if that’s happening in an urban setting…he’ll follow God there just as readily as he followed Him to camp.
On our last weekend before moving we were invited up to Island Lake for a birthday party of a little girl who's Daddy worked with Darin. When we arrived there were about 15 little people running around the covered skate park there at camp.
Can you believe we'd been at Crista camps for 2+ years and I never thought to use this skate park for sliding? Well...you can believe those Island Lake staff sure do! What a great thing with kids on a rainy day.
Well...this day certainly wasn't rainy, but we all had a great time anyway.
"Ish!" Dani calls slides.
Noah and Isaiah live at IL and definitely showed Daisy how its done.
Someone is having fun!
Darin had to test out the skateboards too. After all...this is what the park is built for!
The double was a little tougher.
Look! A helmet!
We were all a bit dirty from the slides, but happy. What a fun afternoon!
What kind of weird word am I living in where my husband is blogging more regularly than I am? A weird world where we packed most of our belongings in storage, moved in with my mother-in-law, interviewed and accepted a job just minutes from the one we recently vacated, and put an offer on a house, all since the last time you heard from me.
A weird world where we lived for a while with not only Darin's mom, but also his sister, brother-in-law, and nephew: sharing meals, toy cleanup, bathtimes, and general life together. A weird world where they spontaneously decided to up their move to Bellingham a few months early, and after securing an apartment up there this big house is quiet again. We miss them, especially when it came to sharing childcare and meal prep duties!
A weird world where I thought God would be giving us lots of time to heal and rest before calling us to ministry again, but discovering that is not His plan. Instead, Darin's been given a chance to try his hand at urban ministry through Youth For Christ in the Bremerton area. A weird world where I had to do some major wrestling with God to come to terms with what this would mean for myself and my family. A weird world that is not gonna include camping ministry, the life I thought I'd have, for a while. And I definitely haven't come to terms with that yet either.
A weird world where I said goodbye to all my friends in both Gig Harbor and Port Orchard, only to tell them "we're coming back!" A weird world where I am already starting to think about our next MOPS craft again!
A weird world of buying a home in this crazy market. A weird world where most everything in our price range is short-sale or bank owned and how much longer that makes this whole house buying process. A weird world where we're preparing for Darin to commute, work 4 tens, sleep over at his Dad's house in Silverdale, and us girls to stay here at Gran's. All because I don't want to live in a different transitional housing. I was hoping we'd be in our own home for Christmas, but am realizing it probably won't be. Another place for me to be trusting God.
A weird world where we decided not to church-shop in our transitional state, but instead drive the hour to Bellingham each week so we can worship with our family at Northlake Community Church. It is so refreshing to be known, to be loved, and to be invited over for a batch of chili after church. It is also nice to turn them down so we can gather with a bunch of camp friends at Boomer's instead. Today was good for my spirit.
Weird world where I haven't picked up my camera in days. Weird world where I don't feel like editing and blogging pictures. Weird world where I'm ready for bed by 9pm each night.
How is your world a little weird right now?
And because most of you just come here to see pictures of my cute kids anyway, I'll leave you with this shot that is gracing my desktop right now. It makes me smile every time I see it.
I don't know what Typepad does to the coloring, click on the image to get a better look.
Enjoy a series of posts the next few days as we enjoyed some "last hurrahs" before moving...
A few weeks ago we were getting set to head outside for a sunny fall afternoon stroll when Daisy spotted "Mandi and MJ!!!!" driving up the hill to the barn. They were going to meet up with Josh for a walk around camp, so we decided to join with them. As we walked a trail I'd never been down, I was again marveled at what a blessed place this is and how blessed we were to get to live here for a time.
And, we certainly have been blessed with some great friends.
Great Gran is in town from Missouri, so she and Gran come to our house for a visit!
First, we had some showing off to do;
dancing AND toys.
Then Gran taught Dani how to play Ring-Around-The-Rosie and then she wasn't allowed to stop. It's hard to say no to the sweet sounds of "mo" each time you're done.
The girls played together nicely for a little while so us grownups could get in a good chat.
And then we went for a walk, and picked some berries along the way.
Daisy doesn't like to get near the blackberry bushes after a nasty incident earlier this summer, but she's happy to eat out of our buckets! (Or hands!)
When we got back to the barn we let Dani out of the stroller for a bit. This just might be my new favorite picture. I love walking with my girls.
Then Darin decided it would be fun to bring out the paintball markers and give Great Gran a go at it.
She loved it!
Then Gran took a turn.
And Daisy wanted in too.
I think I say it every day...I'm gonna miss living here! But I'm glad we got to show Great Gran around while she was here.
(Note: I haven't taken many pictures at camp this summer, mostly because I haven't needed to. There's someone on staff called Camp Photographer! But I thought to break up this wordy post a bit I'd share some of our camp memories this summer too.)
Have you missed me? I've been missing for a bit. I've got lots of pictures and fun adventures to share, but I just haven't been up to it lately.
(Monochrome night spent at Charlie's Safari in Lacey.)
This blog started out as a journal for me and I loved it for that. Over time it has grown to be more of a place to share our pictures and our family stories. It's a record for me and for our loved ones near and far. And sometimes I feel that with the smiling faces and sweet pictures and tales of adventures you all might get the wrong impression of me and my life. Trust me, it's not always smiling faces.
(Adorable, even blurry. Darin and Daisy praying together at the last day camp rodeo.)
But besides the reality of day-to-day life with two little girls, a job that has its challenges, and an income that can be tough to live on, sometimes there are things that just aren't appropriate to talk about in such a public forum. Things I would share with any one of you face-to-face, but just don't feel right putting here.
(Dancing at the rodeo. Daisy loved this part.)
Camp ended Saturday and I have been having a hard time processing this. I need to...I just don't know where to begin.
(Getting a ride home on horseback after the rodeo.)
Despite an unprecedented amount of challenges we faced this summer, this summer was amazing. The Leadership Team Darin pulled together was incredible. The entire staff devoted themselves to one another and to the ministry in ways I've never seen. I can't describe what a blessing it was to me to watch the community form and then love and serve in ways beyond singular human capacity.
I got to mentor three girls weekly; three girls who I respect and admire tremendously. And I also got to lead a (nearly) weekly Bible Study for all the female staff. I prayed for girls and with girls and watched God work in their lives. I encouraged my 3 to new and stronger levels of leadership. To learn from frustrations as we all sought to "count it all joy."
(My leadership gals on our pottery painting excursion. Yup, we actually got away from camp for a whole afternoon.)
And my daughters were blessed in ways I only dreamed of. When Darin and I talked about camping ministry years ago we dreamed of a place where amazing role models would show up and love our kids each summer. This summer my family was surrounded by staff who genuinely loved my kids. They would save them seats at meals, dance ballet dances around the dining hall, hold when cranky so I could do what needed doing, chase around the big field, offer band-aids to scraped knees, hold hands while practicing walking, carry gear, carry kids, babysit, splash in the lake, make silly faces, compliment princess dresses, sing with, cheer for and on and on and on.
(Daisy enjoying a cupcake at the conclusion of the last staff meeting.)
Reflecting on these pieces of my summer I feel like Mary who "treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."
(Darin, being carried, on the way to the lake. Yup, he "lost" a bet this summer allowing himself to be laked. Happened on the last day of camp.)
Everyone wants to end on a high note, but sometimes that makes the leaving all the much harder. And this, my friends, is where I'm stuck.
Intermingled with sadness and fear is, frankly, a lot of anger. I rarely get angry in life and when I do it's usually due to some injustice that I have felt. And there is so much about our situation that seems unfair. I find myself saying over and over "it didn't have to be this way."
(Pretty impressive when you take 3 guys in with you. The girls on the left "won" the bet. I say that in quotes because they actually tied and the girls had to endure their punishment as well: deep cleaning every toilet at camp.)
There are daily confirmations that this isn't the place we're supposed to be...but it doesn't yet mean that this isn't the place we want to be. There's the rub.
So this is why I don't want to come here and just show you cute pictures of my kids. I'm just not feeling it lately. Thanks for understanding.
Below you’ll find a set of pictures from our many adventures around camp this summer. I was going to tell you all how fortunate we are to live in this place called Miracle Ranch. Sure, the challenges of summer camp ministry are immense, but equally so are the blessings. We enjoy our times on the big field and pulling every ball out of the ball closet. Swimming in the lake is such a treat on a hot day, and we all love a stroll or two when we just need to get out of the house. The beach makes an amazing sand box on a cloudy day and I can’t even begin to express how much love my family has felt from the summer staff who have graced us with their presence and service this summer.
When Darin and I were first married we spent some time seeking God’s direction in our lives and felt a real call to camping ministry which we have pursued whole-heartedly ever since. Education, summer jobs, a CCCA conference and many hours of prayer finally landed Darin a gig at Miracle Ranch as the Program Director.
When people ask Darin what exactly he does he likes to tell them that he is in charge of all the fun around camp, which is only partly true. He gets to plan and coordinate all the activities (minus specifically the horse stuff) and supervise campers and groups that use them. But he also hires, trains and supervises the 75+ staff that come here in the summer to minister to campers and groups, plan and implement our camp retreats called “fusion” weekends, manage the camp store (which now includes a beautiful coffee shop, which he helped design), and interact with guest groups using our facilities, plus much much more.
Years ago we sensed that call to camping ministry, but it has been through our years here at Miracle Ranch that God has deepened and honed that call and specifically the vision Darin has. We love camp because we love reaching kids, building relationships with them, and ministering to the college students who pour out their lives and are transformed by their service in 10 weeks. We are passionate about the community that develops when all staff, from high schoolers in the dish pit, to rec staff lifeguarding the waterfront, to store employees making ice cream, to counselors in the thick of it, are here to share the love of Christ with kids.
Crista camps is passionate about many of the same things, but Crista camps is also dedicated to becoming a premiere destination for churches and groups looking for a retreat location. And while Darin can recognize that as a valid and important and even God-given vision, it isn’t one he necessarily shares. And this summer it has become apparent to him that this lack of shared vision will only frustrate and wear on him, and that it is time for us to move on.
If Darin's life right now is a pie-chart it would include program, guest services, and family/other interests outside work. And if the guest services slice is indeed increasing, then either what he is passionate about (and came to Miracle Ranch to do) or his family slices will necessarily decrease. I am honestly proud of the choice he made here.
Darin is so incredibly at peace with this decision and it is this fact alone that is keeping me from a total freakout. (Yes, we will be unemployed and homeless in a recession.) But I have watched him struggle this summer and wonder where the passion and drive and excitement had gone. And then I watched him make this decision and become the Darin I knew again. He is confident that God is leading us this way, and Darin’s co-workers and bosses have been nothing but supportive and encouraging. If you have to leave a job, this is the best way to do it for sure.
Besides trusting Darin, I am certainly doing my best to trust God. These are the things my head knows, that my heart is still trying to figure out:
-God is sovereign.
-He brought us here.
-He will take care of us.
-He dreams bigger dreams for me than I can ever imagine.
-He loves us.
-He loves others.
-He is in charge of my life and of this place called Miracle Ranch.
But I am still really really sad. We were supposed to be here for a long time. There are many dreams wrapped up in living and working here. Dreams of summer camp revivals. Dreams of relationships built with staff. Dreams of my daughters growing up in an environment so unique. Dreams for them expressed in these pictures.
There is also the sadness of leaving my community of friends outside camp. I will miss these dear moms who help me in my job every single day.
I think there’s a reason the Bible Study I chose to lead this summer is about joy. I’m not taking for granted the fact that the week before our lives changed our study was specifically about the act of “counting it all joy”. There are many places in Scripture where joy is linked with suffering. (Don’t believe me, check out 1 Peter 1:6, 1 Peter 4:12-13 or James 1:2.) I wrote this at the journaling time at the end of our lesson: ”Am I willing to say, ‘yes, Lord, your will be done?’ in the midst of trials and suffering? I keep wanting life to get easier, but there is nary a promise of this from God. But there are many promises if His faithfulness, of joy to come, of character building, of pointing others to God, of an end to the story where the Creator of the Universe wipes away my tears. Those promises help me persevere and choose Him every day. Lord, my future is cloudy and my present is trying, but you see both with clarity. Help me to trust you and to seek joy in the middle, and not just at the end.”
It is time for me to open my hands. To trust in my creator. To remember the times when He has surprised me. To lean on those around me. To walk forward confidently knowing that if God is calling us away from here, He must be calling us to something even better.
For those of you who are curious about the practical stuff…
Darin will be done working in the middle of October and we have until the end of October to move out.
Darin is still in negotiations with HR about severance and unemployment benefits.
I am hoping to stay at home still, so Darin is on the job hunt for now. We know we want to be in camping long term, but whether it’s the next thing or down the road a ways has yet to be determined. (Camp life is really hard with young kids and we may need a break for a little while.) We are open to a lot right now, so send any job leads you’ve got!
If we don’t have a job in October, we’ll likely be moving up to Lakewood to live with my dear mother-in-law. While I love her to pieces, I really treasure having a home of my own. I’m trusting God in this one too…
I’m still very much in the processing stage of all of this, because trust me, it happened just this fast. Pray for me, pray for my family, and pray for this place called Miracle Ranch and the many people who work here too. We have loved our time here and will miss it (and them) like crazy.
Camp BBQ's are the worst. They are served on check-in day so parents can enjoy one last meal with their kiddos before leaving them with us for the week. This means Darin is running around wildly and we only see his dust. The meal is served outside which is always tricky (I hate eating on my lap, and I hate when my beans run into my other food, so I'm trying to balance two plates) and then extra tricky with kids thrown in. And because we let our guests eat first the burgers are always cold by the time I get around to one.
So this year I decided to make other fun plans with my girls on Sunday check-in days.
And then this week we had a check-in BBQ on a Wednesday. So the girls and I went to Ben & Jerry's (after a stop at the library) where "Kids Lick Free" on Wednesdays. Daisy got her own cone and Dani and I shared a dish.
Yummm...
"Please"
"More"
I told Daisy we were gonna go get a treat and when she asked "why?" (which I already knew was coming, we hear that word a hundred + times a day) I responded "because you are you."
She wanted me to take a picture of her ice cream face.
As she was enjoying her treat she said to me, "Thanks Mama for the ice cream for being me." Anytime kiddo.
And then there's always a spoon to chew on while your sister takes a crazy-long time to finish her cone.
I wish Kids Licked free on Sundays too!
*Darin told me that evening during bath time that he finally discovered the way to enjoy a camp hamburger: wolf one down while riding a bike home for bedtime routine.
(I'm not in this picture, don't try to find me. Darin is, can you find him?)
70+ summer staffers have invaded our "home" and our life and we couldn't be happier. This year's staff is arguably the best in our 3 year history at Miracle Ranch and I am loving trying to learn every delightful new name and face. I also get the extreme pleasure of mentoring three of the leadership staff (of the female persuasion) and look forward to my weekly one-on-ones with each of these gals.
Daisy, of course, is loving this invasion even more than the rest of us. Camp is full of new friends and she is already obsessively looking for Potpourri, Sasparilla, and Sapo. I'm curious to see who her favorites will be next week.
We've made an edict that our kiddos aren't allowed to have camp names until they actually are on summer staff somewhere, but this is the first summer that Daisy asked me, "Mama, what's my camp name?" so we had to explain it to her.
Yesterday we were off for a playdate and Daisy asked me what Miss Rachael's camp name was. No, Daisy, not everyone has a camp name!
Although I wasn't present for the camp staff photo I was gifted my very own green staff shirt. I happily put it on Monday morning and Daisy squealed: "Mama, you have a green shirt like all my camp friends!" It certainly made me feel even cooler.
We are back to planning our days and outings around the camp meal schedule so we can eat together as a family in the dining hall. Even though Daisy still can't get breakfast, lunch, and dinner straight (as in, which meal we eat when) she is constantly asking when we'll go to camp next.
My friend Mandi thinks its funny that we talk about "going to camp" when we live here all the time, but Darin says it helps us keep our boundaries. And I think it makes it more special for the kiddo. Someday she'll figure it out.
Yesterday morning while Dani napped Daisy and I were playing outside and the newest camp family came walking up the road to visit the kittens in the barn. Daisy wanted to go and they enthusiastically let her tag along and brought the kittens down from the hay loft so she could see them.
For all these reasons and so many more I love living here.
There are a lot of challenges too, but I'll save those for another blog post.
The party invite! We had a double party for Daisy and Dr. Amy and it was so fun to have people from different areas of our life join us.
On party day the weather couldn't have been more perfect for a backyard BBQ party. And our yard couldn't be more perfect for lots of company and room for kids to run. (Thanks to camp for letting us use the picnic tables and high chairs!)
I picked out matching skirts for my girls on Old Navy clearance, and then Daisy received a special birthday crown and fairy wings that she was so excited to wear. She looked to me like a little hippy girl (would have fit right in on Lopez) with her long skirt, "bare footies," and wings.
Dani & Uncle Kevin:
Jen had some creative shirts made for her and Amy's kiddos. Getting a photo of them proved rather difficult.
More party shots...
I handed the camera off to Stacey at this point and she took about a gazillion shots of present opening. So much fun! Thanks for capturing these Stacey.
I promise, this is a look of happiness.
MJ really wanted to help.
We got her a trike with some money from Gram & Grampa. Even blurry, I think she liked it.
A little passenger snuck a ride without Daisy even knowing!
MJ really wanted a turn on the trike. All was OK until Daisy was back for her turn. So MJ was appeased in helping to push!
Little sis was happy to be surrounded by paper and tissue. (Guess we know what to get her for her birthday next month!)
And what better way to end a fun party then by shooting paintballs at pop cans?!
Since Daisy was so freaked out about the Easter Bunny this year, the mere mention of an egg hunt sent her into a huge chorus of "no, no, no..." I even tried to convince her to hunt on Friday afternoon in our yard, but there was no convincing her.
But on Sunday afternoon, after naps, I grabbed the basket full of eggs and told Daisy I was gonna go hide them in the barn. She seemed intrigued by the idea, so Darin brought her and her sister up to the barn a few minutes later.
The barn was a backup plan since it was pouring rain outside, but it turned out to be an incredibly awesome spot for a hunt. There were so many great places to hide eggs...I didn't even come close to filling all the spots I found.
I think you can tell that Daisy had a great time finding all my spots.
And even thought I didn't hide any way up in the bales, it sure is a fun place to climb!
I'm already thinking about a staff party next year that includes a big hunt for our kids at the barn. I need to put eggs in all those hiding spots!
(And the liberal joke didn't go over so well in this crowd. Frank & Frank were trying to make fun of both liberals and conservatives, 'cuz we're not the biggest fan of labels around here. But apologies were made to people it offended...)
(Said in an enthusiastic voice in response to one of Daisy's favorites: Dora.)
Another first for Dani. Her first ride in the backpack happened one sunny afternoon last week.
I love that Darin comes home from work, ready for work. And I love the days he can take the girls for a little jaunt in the woods or field or barn and allow me to catch up on housework and dinner prep. I have the best husband ever.
We've had some seriously non-rainy days around here lately and we've been using them as excuses to get out of the house and go on walks around camp. Once again I am reminded how thankful I am for this gorgeous place we live!
Since she doesn't like her winter coat, I told her she could wear her vest if she wore a hat. She then asked to wear some "oven mits" too. I took that to mean she wanted some gloves or mittens. She was thrilled with the gloves.
Later, when I asked if I could take her picture, she made this sweet face.
Dani is happy dangling away in the Bjorn. But it is really hard to get a decent self-portrait with my stubby arms!
Don't you just love the one pant leg in, one out look?
We especially love afternoon walks when Papa can join us when he gets off work! (And we all get to ride home in his truck.)
Tuesday was a busy day. Darin was up at 4am in order to drive to Bellingham and spend the day recruiting. The girls and I went to a playdate, had naps, and enjoyed some evening visitors (Mandi & MJ) who brought dinner with them. Darin arrived home at about 6:20 and after telling us all about his awesome day, he took Dani to get her ready for bath, swinging by our bedroom first for a chance to take out his contacts.
Mandi and I visited some more and watched our girls enjoy playing together when I heard Dani start crying and Darin yelling my name. I went to check on him and heard: "I really screwed up and I hurt Dani." Seeing the panic on Darin's face and hearing the screams from my daughter I replied: "Like ER hurt?"
Darin nodded.
"Can we drive or do I need to call 911?" I asked.
"We can drive," came the reply and I jumped into motion.
Mandi was already at our house and I quickly called the interns who rushed right over to relieve her in watching Daisy. I quickly packed a diaper bag while Darin got the baby in the carseat and we were on the road.
I called the local ChildExpress urgent care, but they weren't sure we should bring her there since we have Group Health and they like patients at their own Urgent Cares. So Darin called our consulting nurse while in the car to ask if we should drive our screaming daughter 5 minutes to the local ER or 25 minutes to Tacoma and the urgent care. Nurse said ER so we went there.
It wasn't until we were well on our way before Darin could explain to me what happened. He had been tossing Dani over our bed; a game Daisy really enjoyed and Dani was having a good time with as well. So Darin decided to take it up a little and spun her. Unfortunately, Dani didn't quite spin all the way before landing on the bed on her arm, her body continuing with the momentum and bending her arm backwards. Darin told me it was the worst thing he had ever seen and he almost hurled. Reacting on instinct he bent it back in place, and then yelled for me.
To a guy beating himself up as much as Darin was (and still is), an "I told you so" just doesn't seem like the right response. Especially knowing that while I don't necessarily toss her around, there are a hundred little ways she could have been just as injured in my care as in his.
St. Anthony's ER in Gig Harbor got us in right away and were so kind to us, check-in and nurses telling us their own stories of accidents involving children. Dani was given some motrin and it seemed to help her calm down enough to nurse and take a bit of a nap. It was creepy how her arm just hung limp at her side.
Here she is cuddled with me after nursing.
(Taken with my cell phone.)
They were able to take some x-rays, against much infant protest, and after discovering it was indeed a break, wrapped it up a little more secuerly for her.
Here's Darin, holding her with her arm wrapped up.
Our brave girl. Poor thing hurt her thumb-sucking arm, so had to accept a pacifier instead.
We had our first talk with a social worker. She was great.
The doctor told us he wanted to send us to Mary Bridge Children's Hospital ER (in Tacoma) so that a Pediatric Orthopedist could take a look. Surgery was mentioned a time or two and the idea of my 5-month was freaking me out. They called an ambulance for transport so that Dani could be stable and get right in upon arrival. I rode with Dani and Darin ran home to get a few things, make sure the girls knew they could crash in our guest bed, and meet me at the hospital. We had no idea how long we'd be there.
Dani was amazing in the ambulance, all smiles and giggles. She even laughed at me while I played "peek-a-boo" with her. (Note: the EMT has a seven-month-old and told me he has drilled into his wife that should anything happen to their son to take him straight to the children's hospital. They know what they're doing there for sure. I wish I had had the luxery of stopping and thinking, but as my daughter screamed all I wanted to do was get her somewhere she would be helped.)
Here's our sweetie in the ambulance gurney.
Once we arrived at MB there was a flurry of activity, nurses, a resident, and a doctor. Story told again, arm given more x-rays, and me told not to nurse. Then we waited, and waited, and waited.
Dani was in amazing spirits. (Video shot with cell phone, so not so great.)
Darin arrived and got Dani to sleep some more. Finally a nurse came to check on us and we asked what was happening. Frankly, we were still thinking we'd need to see the specialist and have surgery.
The nurse said she'd check for us, but did explain she overheard the doctors when they pulled up the x-ray. They were laughing saying "looks like Dad did a pretty good job getting it back in place."
Turns out either him or all the jostling did a good job, and surgery was unnecessary for the moment.
We had a second visit with a social worker. She was pretty nice, but told us she would have to file a report, since this type of injury is uncommon in kids of this age.
The major players finally came back to splint the arm for us and we got the tinniest little sling too. A few instructions, including an appointment at the peeds specialist, and we were discharged.
Here's our cutie, just before discharge at about 12:30 in the morning. I posted this on Facebook and there were many comments of how precious. She sure is.
(Darin had grabbed the camera when he went home. Much better, don't you think?)
A stop at the 24-hour pharmacy, and we arrived home in time to relieve our amazing interns and fall into bed by 2am. (Poor Darin had been up nearly 22 hours at this point.) We let Miss Dani sleep the night away in her carseat, thinking that if she woke up we'd move her to her crib. But she slept through until about 7:30.
The next morning we were exhausted and Darin had a to-do list at work a mile long. Not sure what the day would bring with regards to Dani, I got a hold of our sitter who agreed to come over around 10 and take Daisy to the library. I was able to shower and rest a bit and then spend some time feeding and cuddling the little one.
In the shower I had a moment to think through the night's events and I found myself so thankful that we live in community. Yeah, we're way out in the sticks, but we have people. We have people who came over with Burger King 'cuz our husbands were gone for a long day. We have people who drop everything and come running. We have people that love our Daisy and know her routine so that I don't have to worry a bit about what's going on at home. We have people who call and text and facebook to let us know they are praying and will be there if we need anything. It is good to have people.
To break up all this writing, here's another shot of Dani getting her splint.
Darin came home for lunch, then back to work. Our sitter stayed to put Daisy down for her nap, and then headed home. I was ready to crash. And then I got a phone call. From CPS. They couldn't find my house.
CPS?! My house?!
Freaking out. Me. Totally and completely freaking out.
The social worker showed up around 4:00. Darin had come home to help me in my freaking out and so was there for the interview. The lady was all business, and not so much kindness. Darin told the story again, most of which I missed as I was helping Daisy get up from her nap. And then we filled out some paperwork, gave her some personal references (how many would you like?) and sent her on her way.
Even though we knew it was an accident. Even though we know we're good parents. Even though we know she's just doing her job, it is awful. It is awful to have someone there judging you.
Something I never ever thought would happen. CPS in my house. On my couch. Judging me.
Dani is an amazing kid. She has bounced back already. She'll be just fine. Me and Darin...it may take a bit longer.
Time to decorate! I asked our awesome 3 camp interns over for some fun decorating and as Darla pointed out, you can really see personalities shine through in the decorating process!
Daisy came home from swimming when we were almost finished and she really enjoyed having her friends here, and getting to help with sprinkles!
I know it's pretty silly to put lights on our house, as very few people will ever see them. But they make me so very happy to drive home to. And my smart hubby hooked them up to our light-sensitive walkway lights, so I don't even have to remember to turn them on!
And our tree looks so lovely there in the window too.
(I freaked Darin out a big when I pulled up from being gone and din't come in right away, but instead took a few moments to enjoy the lights and snap some pictures.)
Yesterday Daisy got her first solo ride on a horse!
You can read about her first ride here, and her second here.
I was pretty freaked out when Josh lifted her up there, got her settled, and then walked to the front in order to lead the horse. What?! You're not going to hold onto her while she's up there?! On that giant animal?! Josh!!!!
But I guess Josh knew what he was doing, cuz Daisy was a natural. She just held on and let her body sway back and forth with the movement of the horse.
Thanks Mr Jazz for being so kind and gentle with my baby on your back. And thanks to you too Mr Josh. I think she had a great time.
