this could take all day

Month 9

March 6, 2008

Dear Daisy,

Yesterday was your nine-month birthday. Today as we were out and about I practiced saying it. “She’s nine-months old.” “Her name is Daisy and she’s nine-months old.” “Yeah, she’s got beautiful blue eyes…and she’s nine-months old.” I can’t believe you have now been outside my womb as long as you were in it. I got a little sentimental thinking about it this week and watched some videos of your first few months. There is this strange ache inside me as I realize you will never be that baby again. But at the same time I’m so grateful that I get to be a part of your growing up too.

I think your ninth month will remain in my memory as the month of the yuck. It all started with a day of crankiness, then a fever, then the runny nose, then the worst cough I’ve heard. Two strange behaviors told us just how miserable you were. First your appetite waned and you just weren’t that interested in eating. I started nursing again in the afternoon to make sure you were getting enough liquids, but you were pretty uninterested when meals would roll around. And second, you just wanted to cuddle. You are such a busy, active kiddo that even when one of us is holding you your head is up and you are looking and reaching and craning to get at what you can. It is a rare occasion for you to actually put your head on my chest anymore. But during this sickness all you wanted to do was crash with us on the couch. You would cuddle up, drift in and out of sleep, and cough and sneeze all over me or Papa. We spent hours on the couch with you that week. And of course, your yuck then made its way into us. But I think I can speak for both your father and me, anytime you need to cuddle and cough—you can count on us to be there.

As you continue to grow, we continue to add to your list of “firsts”. This month we travelled as a family for a conference your Papa wanted to attend. You and I spent a lot of sick hours together in our hotel room, but we did venture out on Papa’s free afternoon for a first swim. You were so adorable in your too-big-swimsuit and that grin when you saw the giant bathtub made me want to nibble you up. Papa held you first in the water while I tried to shoot some film. Your disposition changed quite rapidly when you realized the water was not the bathtub temperature you are used to. So you and I cuddled on the side for a little bit and then we moved to the bigger pool and Papa played a game of peekaboo where he would dive under water and you would just wait anxiously until he reappeared. That game combined with lots of swirling around convinced you that this swimming thing could be okay.

We also had our first family trip to the park where you loved the swing but wasn’t so thrilled with the little slide. We live in a great neighborhood where there are four parks within blocks, and another two more just a bit beyond that. We have taken note of the parks with toddler swings and it is so fun when we are out to just drop by the park for a few minutes. It is one of the great joys of parenting to give your children things that make them laugh and smile, and the way you enjoy the swing—I may look forward to it as much as you. And for now, it’s so easy since we don’t have to be there long for you to be happy. I do look forward to many hours spent at the park together.

You are now able to wave hello or goodbye, but only on your terms. Often we will stand waving at your for minutes, only to have you finally shake your hand at us when we turn to walk away. We have added a few hand-signs to our vocabulary (more, please, eat, milk, and all done) and I’m curious to see how long it takes you to catch on. You seem to understand what the sign means, but you actually doing it back—I wonder how long it will take. And I’m sure when you do it will be on your terms and not mine.

Six teeth apparently are not enough for you, so you added a seventh this month. Your sweet smile is a little lopsided, but the teeth mean you are getting better and better at finger foods. I think it is one of my favorite things to watch your little pincher fingers at work getting food from your tray to your mouth; and then your mouth happily working away.

We have read to you every night since you came home from the hospital, and this month you are finally seeing books as something more than that frustrating thing we won’t let you chew on. It is so cool to see that without being verbal, you already have favorite books. You especially love the books with the bold baby-faces, but are also a fan of Gossie & Gertie, and the lady bug counting book. Papa taught you how to turn the pages and I just love to see your chubby fingers getting in on the action. Some days you’re happy to just look, others we can’t get the words out fast enough before you’re ready to turn the page. And I’m glad those are just pictures of babies in your books, because you smack their little faces to no end. Here’s to hoping you don’t do this to your real friends!

You have been a great night-time sleeper for months and it is just one more piece of your personality that I am so thankful for. We have a short naptime routine, and a longer bedtime one and you are totally getting it. At naps it is “cozy” (your blanket sleeper) and story and song, and at nighttime we add bath, nursing, and teeth brushing. I love that when we put you down in your crib, you promptly roll over to your tummy, stick your thumb in your mouth and your rear in the air and fall asleep. I still remember those weeks and weeks of you crying your eyes out at every nap, and I am so thankful now that when I close your door you are quiet. And I love even more the sweet grins I am greeted with when I come to get you. Sometimes I lay in bed in the morning just waiting to hear your voice so I can rush into your room and bask in the wonder that is you smiling up at me. And I love that it feels like you are just as excited to see me and start our day together, as I am about you.

Know that you are a child of God and that you are so very loved,

Mommy

Month 8

I made it! So, today Daisy turned 9 months old and I've got a 9-month letter to write. But since I just put the finishing touches on last month's letter, I figured I'd better post it first. So come back tomorrow for her month 9 notes.

Darling Daisy,

   Here it is weeks after your 8-month birthday, and I am finally getting the chance to write this letter to you. Life has been busy, to say the least. And life has been hard. And I feel like I am struggling every day to keep my head above water. Our pastor has been preaching about prayer, and one of the main things he has been telling us is that often when God calls us to do something, he calls us and then asks us to wait in prayer before moving. Your father and I have been waiting a long time. And here we are, waiting, and life is going on. You came into our lives and now you continue to grow and need more and more of me. And I want so desperately to get rid of this “work” thing and be able to give you all of me.

   But in the meantime, life is happening. And you are growing. And you are doing some amazing things every day. And I know I’ve said it before, but I continue to be amazed by you and who you’re becoming.

   It seems like from the moment you were pulled out of me you have been curious about this world you’ve found yourself in. You are always reaching and stretching and rolling and pulling until that thing—that one, right there—is in your hot little hands or we sufficiently distract you with something else. When you get something new in your hands, you examine each angle carefully, twisting and turning the object around, thoughtfully deciding which is the best spot to begin the oral inspection at. Everything goes in your mouth. And you are totally the kid who is surrounded by all kinds of cool parent-approved toys, yet goes right for the water bottle or TV remote.

   But somehow this curiosity has not led you to figure the whole crawling thing out. Sometime mid-month we noticed that every time we would get you from your crib after sleeping you would be up on all fours rocking away. So we’d stick a favorite object near you to see if that would motivate you to actually move forward. But you mostly get frustrated and finally just dive forward or revert to your favorite activity: rolling. I have to admit that while I can’t wait to see what kind of joy erupts when you finally figure it out, I’m not complaining. It is so nice to have a baby who doesn’t go off exploring the second I turn my back—which I am sure you will be doing the second you can crawl.

   You are still a very happy baby and it seems like every day we are finding more and more things that make you smile. You love your new way to travel: on Papa’s back in the pack. We’ve taken you to the park around town and up to Mt Baker where despite the massive amounts of snow falling from the sky you were thrilled with your vantage point. Everyone in our group was amazed by how happy you were all bundled up in that thing. You love sitting on the floor with one of us, rolling and bouncing the volleyball back and forth. Your Papa loves the early training! You love all kinds of foods, and are mostly thrilled with the ability to get a Cheerio from your hand into your mouth. I love that a pile of Cheerios will keep you quite entertained and TJ loves the fact that despite your best efforts, you still drop about a third of the ones you pick up. (He’s no dog, but he does like the O’s.) You love exploring your vocal range and shrieking incredibly loudly. I love that Papa teases me for being PC by putting it that way…at least I love it when I can hear him over you. You love being a ham and making us laugh by scrunching up your nose into your “devil face.” I love that this particular term your Papa coined is so not PC. You love the exersaucer Gran got for you (yea Target discount!) and the Johnny-Jump-Up I sent Papa on a wild-goose-hunt to get for free. We love that we still have a place to put you happily while we’re working on other stuff. You love reaching and splashing in the tub. We love that we have a big tub now that we can move you to. (No more baby girl sink baths for you—you are growing L.) You love when one of us comes home after a day away, just flapping your arms and squealing until the missing parent gets you in their arms. We love that one too!

   One night this month your father was at church so it was up to me to do the bedtime routine. Somehow in a freak couldn’t-do-it-again-if-I-tried accident, I caught your newly cut front top tooth in my fingernail. These four teeth have already caused us much pain, but this was just over the top. You screamed at me like I’ve never heard you scream. Nothing would calm you, not even the offer of nursing. You were completely unglued and I was at my wits end. Until out of the corner of your eye you spotted TJ running around the floor. And you stopped crying and craned your head to see him. So that night instead of putting you to bed right away, you and I sat on the floor together watching TJ run all around us until you were calm. You are quite the animal lover, my dear.

   That night was a little reality-check for me as the next day you also refused to nurse. I was totally unprepared for this moment and tearfully prayed that you’d come around. It took some prodding but eventually you did. And although at this point we are only  nursing twice a day, I just wasn’t ready to give it up. I need those quiet moments in the morning and the evening that we have together. I didn’t realize how much I look forward to that time and I’m glad I wasn’t forced to give it up yet. Plus, hey, this stuff is good for you too!

   Know that you are a child of God and that you are so very loved,

              Mommy

7 months

Dear Daisy,

      A couple weeks ago we ran into an old coworker of your Papa’s while enjoying a baby-food shopping excursion at Trader Joe’s. This coworker was carrying her not quite two-month-old son, asleep in a front-pack. You, on the other hand, were happily chillin’ in your carseat on top of the cart, laughing at mommy’s silly antics and smiling that charm-the-pants-off-anyone grin at strangers who just happen to glance in your direction. (You should see the grins they get if they actually take the time to say hi to you!) It was great to reassure this coworker of Papa’s that yes, people do say that life with a baby changes at 6-months. Yes, a personality starts emerging. Yes, they actually do start playing and interacting with you. That yes, people said all this to us and we weren’t sure we could believe them. But indeed, the promises have come true. And your sixth month was absolutely incredible.

      It is one of the coolest things to watch you figure out what you like and what you don’t like. I feel like a real mom when I get to share these tidbits with others. You like playing peekaboo, eating cereal and carrots, bathtime, riding in the car, the church nursery (and your friends there), puppets, being naked, “Baby Praise” music, and chewing on things that were not intended for baby teeth. You’re rather put out by the toys momma and papa try to distract you with (no, you can’t play with momma’s computer), things that get in the way of your rolling, having to get on your pajamas after bath, getting strapped into your carseat, having to wait any length of time to nurse, not being allowed to chew on books, and being bored.

      I love watching you grow into a real baby, and simultaneously I worry that I can already see glimpses of toddler in you. When you are frustrated or tired or bored, the whining that comes out of your mouth is simply obnoxious. Here’s to hoping the few signs we’ve begun showing you will catch on quick! And you have figured out already how to arch your back and throw your head in disgust. How did you get that one down already?! When you do it, I can’t help but laugh in some sick-humored way—I’m so doomed.

     I complain here, but those moments are so rare. The other day someone was at our house and heard you cry. “Is that a new trick?” he asked, only half-joking. Most of your days are spent happily babbling, laughing, and blowing raspberries. I swear kid, if I had a buck for every raspberry you’ve blown since you figured out how much fun your tongue and lips were, I’d be able to buy you your very own Baby Einstein DVD collection and never have to pay another library late fee again.

     Half of me feels bad that daily I look forward to the 30 minutes I can plop your rear in the swing, stick in an Einstein, and get something done. But I justify it in two ways: being a working mommy with no childcare is rough, and sometimes I just need those 30 minutes to get a project done and you are so over all my other distraction techniques. The other reason it’s okay—you really do love those 30 minutes too. You get so excited when you hear the music or see those puppets you adore. And I just love to watch you settle in, stick that left thumb happily in your mouth, and enjoy the show. I figure with all the songs we sing and books we read together, those 30 minutes can’t really make me that bad of a mother.

     I can’t let this letter finish without mentioning a few of your other firsts this month. We celebrated our first Christmas together and you thoroughly enjoyed opening packages. Well, at least opening them enough to get a strip of the paper into your mouth. Then you were done. Thanks, Mama, for wrapping these packages in this cool paper stuff that makes the best noise and is great for chewing on! You’re welcome, kiddo.

     You started taking an interest in animals, and flapped your arms wildly while making the most excited sounds anytime CC or Murphy (two of the family dogs) were around the house. After coming home from the Christmas festivities, you even started to take an interest in our little TJ. For now, he just happily hops around you and tries to dig in your blankets. He has no idea what he’s in for.

     But the thing this month that I will remember most was your first ear infection. After Christmas day at your Aunt Debbie and Uncle Rich’s house, Papa came home and left you and me to stay with Gram and Gramps for a few days. And something with you was just off. You would cry and cry and cry for no reason. You were up in the middle of the night totally inconsolable. You were cranky. You were just not you. So finally I gave in and called your pediatrician, feeling like a complete moron for relaying your only symptom as that of “extreme irritability.” Turns out sometimes mother’s gut instincts really can be counted on and after a trip to the walk-in clinic, I was thankful to know I was right. That night you and I shared a bed at Aunt Debbie’s and as much as I’m glad you have your own bed and I love sleeping next to your Papa, I thoroughly enjoyed having you lie next to me that night. I was there when you needed me, and your sweet breaths under my hand helped me sleep too. So, just know that anytime your father is away, you are always welcome to sneak in and take his spot. Just don’t tell.

      Know that you are a child of God and so very loved,

                                     Mommy